If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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