i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
