The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize