Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
