I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
