I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
