That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
