there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
