im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
