I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
