do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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