OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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