WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
