'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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