i think my tv is drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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