Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize