btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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