I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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