i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
