"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
