The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
