I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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