Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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