I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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