Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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