Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
