he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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