Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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