85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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