is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
