Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
