I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
