Swine flu. Run for my life!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
