he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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