I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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