sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
