This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
