Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
