How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
