So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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