He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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