I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
