my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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