At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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