sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
