I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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