I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bring me that man meat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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