Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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