cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
