when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
