don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
