It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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