3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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