non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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