they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
