Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
