I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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