Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
