This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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