her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
