FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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