he shaved USA in his pubs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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