she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize