so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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