she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
