I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize