I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
