wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
