i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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