hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
