It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
