your parents love me but you hate me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
