They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm like, not good at living.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
