Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
