I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize