I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
