I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This baby is an asshole
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
