Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
