Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
