No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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