I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize