i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
