so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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