I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
