Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
