So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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