I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize