just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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