he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
