right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
