I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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