Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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